Malfunction
by Impervious Marr
Summary: It was a dark, dark place in a dark, dark time. Everything was about to burn in his pretty little mind. AU, insane!Ichigo, experimental fic. Rating may go up.
1. crumble

**You had me in chains.**

**X**

**MALFUNCTION. BY. IMPERVIOUS MARR.**

**X**

**I. CRUMBLE**

**X**

"H-Hello, Ichigo."

The motion of his two fingers oddly pleased him. It was in a strange, strange way that he decided that he didn't want to think about.

"… Ichigo?"

He saw the silhouettes behind the thin paper he held in front of his eyes. It depicted a rabbit's head with his two fingers up as the heads, twitching erratically.

"… W-What are you doing, Ichigo?"

He let down his hands slowly, and then looked up with an impassive look on his face. "Absolutely nothing." He cocked his head to the side and pursed his lips. Why do they feel the need to ask when they could obviously see? They should word the question better. 'I don't understand what you're doing' would be a better choice.

Well, they never really did try to.

Just like when he doesn't try to understand his own actions and words.

But he already stopped trying to understand empathy anyway.

"What are _you _doing, Rukia?" he asked, maybe with a little bit of snide and a little bit of spite that never failed to make anyone flinch slightly. She was no different. It was maybe, just maybe, a little bit amusing and downright cold-hearted of him.

Let's start again.

He stopped understanding empathy _anyway_.

"I just wanted to see you, Ichigo."

Ichigo's eyes slanted just a little bit to the side and he chuckled.

"Why's that? You see enough of me."

"That's in the screens and not in person," she spoke quietly, wringing her hands on her outfit. Her hair was in a mess and strands stuck out in twenty different directions, not much unlike his own hair. Her eyes spoke of dead. "I'd rather see you in person."

"That's very nice of you," Ichigo observed. He _hated _it when they watched him through the screens. They thought that he couldn't see them behind the screen – well, he didn't, but he fucking knew when they were there every single time. "But this is the first time you came here yourself to see me 'in person'. What's the rush, huh? And keep in mind."

He pointed at himself.

"I don't have my restraints."

The room wasn't stifling enough that he felt like screaming, but he screamed enough for amusement and it made his voice turn harsh and raspy.

"I didn't ask for them to restrain you."

"How brave," Ichigo replied sarcastically, and sat back down. "So, like I said – what's the rush? Is it my birthday? That'll be great. I deserve a present for behaving so well so far."

Rukia ignored it, but obviously with great difficulty. "I-I just – I needed time. I'm sorry, Ichigo –"

"So, let's start again." Ichigo started to fold his own paper. The creases were perfect because he had a lot of practice.

"Start what again?" slipped out of Rukia's lips and Ichigo laughed, because he knew that Rukia didn't mean for that to come out. He knew that Rukia didn't mean for that to come out because little Ichigo here would use it and twist it to his heart's content. He'll twist it so hard and so deep that she can't even scream.

He didn't exactly remember when he started to become a little bit of a bastard and a little bit of a downright asshole.

Maybe when they refused that leash on him years ago.

"Start again, of course." If Rukia wanted to think he was playing around, then she scored it right. "So, what _are _you doing?"

"I told you, I wanted to see you. And I'm sorry for not -"

"Don't talk to me as if I don't listen, bitch," Ichigo said nonchalantly, creasing his own eyebrows in thought as he folded the paper in half and turned it inside out. Then he held it up, and saw that Rukia's eyes were a bit too bright. "It's pretty, isn't it? So let's start again. And again, until I'm satisfied. How do you like them apples?"

"I don't like it very much," she gritted out, looking to the side. Ichigo frowned.

"Well you invited yourself into my place, sweetheart. Keep in mind that even though you know me a bit more than everybody else, doesn't mean I'm gonna go easy on you." He grinned toothily. "You gotta keep up with the program and you gotta be smart. Now, isn't it pretty?"

A paper crane.

"Yes. Yes it is." And Ichigo knew that suddenly, Rukia wasn't too sure about what she was answering in the first place.

Ichigo couldn't help but chuckle.

"Don't worry. You ain't the first or the last. _What _are you doing here, Rukia?"

She broke off a sudden sob with a choke. It wasn't as impressive as Ichigo thought everybody would think it was. Hell, at least she didn't cry yet like the other chick on that other day at that other place.

"I came to see you," she replied. Ichigo smirked.

"I told you to be smart. What are you _doing _here, Rukia?"

She shut her eyes and opened them. "Looking at you. Gods, I'm just sorry, Ichigo. I know I should've been one of the first to see you and I – I just couldn't look at you before, like this."

A long pregnant pause with a whole lot of tension came up next.

The silence made Rukia look up with hope that maybe Ichigo would understand.

Wrong thing to do. He grinned ruthlessly.

"Finally you're being smart. Sorry but sorry ain't gonna get you anywhere in here. My place; my rules." Ichigo stood up and approached the girl slowly, eyes narrowed into slits and a grin that _should _look out of place but it didn't. "So let's _start_ again."

The repetition made the black-haired girl step away, arms snaking protectively around her. She was breathing so erratically that Ichigo couldn't help but laugh a grating sound that would hurt anybody's ears.

"Why are you doing this, Ichigo?" she asked with eyes shut and unbelieving.

"It's always fun getting you all to back to the wall."

"This isn't you. Please come back."

"Now, now. Everyone says that and they think it's gonna change me. Come on, Rukia, you're not _that _incompetent. Show some brains."

"But this really isn't you! Why do you –" She cut off with a slight sound. "Why do you do this? We can let you go, we can help you be _you _again, and you know this. Why do you want to stay in here?"

"If you hadn't realized, sweetheart, I wanted this when I wanted it and you didn't give it to me then," Ichigo replied, strangely hollowed. "Like I said, keep up with the program. The one serious thing I asked for and you didn't believe me. Nobody did."

"But we didn't know you'd do – _that._"

"Yeah, proves just how much you _do _know, huh? Like I kept on telling you." He placed the paper crane down and a finger on his head, his hand in the shape of a gun. "Bang. Like I told everybody else. Bang. I told _you _and _everybody else._ I said I was going fucking insane with a fucking alter ego. I told you guys I wasn't safe, that I needed treatment, at least something to keep _him_ inside."

"You never broke before! Nobody broke before – so we're bound to –"

"Laugh it off? Joke about it that little Ichigo's going delusional?" Ichigo chuckled sardonically. "Hey, hey, and guess what. I _wasn't _fucking delusional. Waking up in a hospital bed with my fucking sisters' blood still under my fingernails isn't exactly the most assuring thing to wake up to."

"But –"

"And the fucking hangover was pretty nice, too."

Yeah, a hangover where he found out what _really _happened.

He didn't stop screaming that day and the fucking tears didn't stop until he knocked himself out cold by slamming his head into the wall. It took three sickening cracks to black out. By then he already tore half his skin off with his fingernails by scratching and clawing everywhere in anguish.

He still had the scars. They never healed very well.

"Ichigo. Please."

"Hey, the nightmares are pretty awesome. I see them almost every night."

_Ichigo… Why…?_

_Your brother ain't here tonight, ladies._

And they looked at him as if he was a –

Rukia buried her face into her hands. "Please, Ichigo. It wasn't –"

Ichigo leaned in, sighing without feeling as he whispered in Rukia's ear.

"I can hear them scream in my ear, Rukia. I remember them tearing at my skin just to get away. I remember them falling limp and I remember the blood everywhere."

He spread his arms out, looking indifferent, now.

"And; I remember them looking at me like I was a monster. Yuzu and Karin calling me a monster while I tore out their insides out with a grin on my face. You're looking at a monster, Rukia."

She didn't look up.

"I said, 'you're looking'. You're not looking. Look up, Rukia."

She still didn't look up. Ichigo bared his teeth, slamming his hand to the space beside Rukia's head. She stifled her scream.

"Oh don't worry, Rukia. I'm not gonna hurt you – at least physically. Even if I don't have my restraints, I don't hurt people _physically_. That – and they fucking put a collar on me so I can't do much. So **come on**."

She whimpered, shaking her head. Ichigo leaned in again to her ear, almost as if he wanted to whisper.

His breath stilled. Rukia's heart skipped a beat.

Then he slammed another hand beside her face, this time on the other side.

"**Hello, Rukia!**" Ichigo screamed suddenly, loud and harsh and it made Rukia_ scream_ because she was fucking _terrified_. God, she was fucking _scared._ "**Nice to see you ain't deaf, fucking bitch**!"

He laughed cruelly, eyes glinting.

"Stop it! Get _away _from me!"

"You wanted to _see me, _am I right, Rukia? So here you have it! You're _seeing _me!"

If there were any objects around, he would be throwing them now. He certainly looked like he wanted to do it.

He screamed again.

"**Hello, RUKIA! Happy to see ME!?**"

"But you know that it isn't your fault, Ichigo, no matter what happened!" she said frantically, going for the one thing that everyone thought would make him stop or realize that what he's doing is wrong or just _something. _"Please, just _stop!_"

_No matter what happened?_

He did pause.

He slowly stepped backwards. The male stuck his hands behind his ears and spread them out, twitching his fingers. He started to grin mockingly, a slow spread from one end of his face to the other.

"Now, now. What are you doing, _Rukia?_" he emphasized condescendingly. Before Rukia could choke out another cry, he scowled. "Get the fuck out, bitch."

"Ichigo, I'm sorry –"

"I told you already and I'm not fucking repeating it. Sorry but sorry ain't gonna get you anywhere in here. Now get the fuck out. I know what happened and fucking hell I'm not going to help you in anything."

He turned to the wall; the one-way window. He smirked lazily. When Ichigo spoke, there was a heavy undertone of scorn.

"You all must be enjoying the show. Thanks for sending in some amusement because I really needed it." He grinned, showing his sharp canines. "I'm not a fucking fucktard."

Rukia froze noticeably, unable to breathe.

There was a long, tense silence before the speaker on the wall blared out what he wanted to hear.

"_We are in dire need of your assistance, Kurosaki. We sent in Rukia in hopes of establishing some sort of agreement between our sides."_

"I'm not fucking stupid, like I said. I was the best in the business before, possibly still is. I could tell from the start when you came in and you wanted to '_see me'_ without my restraints that you fucking wanted something_._ That was your first mistake," Ichigo said coldly, crossing his arms. "Nobody ever sees me without me putting on my fucking restraints, even if she _was _my best friend before or some shit. Even if I won't hurt anyone physically, you still restrain me."

Rukia flinched, cutting into the conversation. "But I really did want to see you, Ichigo. I volunteered and… I'm so sorry. God."

Ichigo snorted inelegantly.

"And you think I wanted to see you, huh?" he asked snidely, and she ducked her head. He scoffed. "Whatever it was, I want you to get the fuck out. I'm not doing anything anymore."

"_Kurosaki Ichigo, please reconsider." _

Ichigo paused, tapping a finger against the side of his face; in a show of thinking. Clearly it was mocking at the end when he simply stuck out a middle finger at the window.

"How's this for an answer? Now leave me the fuck alone."

That done, he turned to the wall, picking up the paper crane he left earlier as he did so.

"I should make another paper crane, huh?" he asked dispassionately, throwing the new paper crane to his large and growing pile. There was some sort of bullshit that went around that if he made one thousand paper cranes he'll get to make a wish.

Hey, he wished for a lot of things.

But then again he wished that he could just _die._ Funnily enough they never seemed to let him kill himself.

He paused for a bit, and then grinned.

"You should, Ichigo. _Why_ are you still here, Rukia?"

Then he hummed as Rukia stumbled away, traumatized and shocked to the core. He took no note of when the door closed, or when Rukia started to scream just outside his room, or when the medics outside were treating her shock; saying that it'll be okay and it'll be fine but _goddamn, _Rukia knew she wasn't going to be fine, not ever or _ever, _because she won't stop screaming.

_**It fucking hurts**_

But for Ichigo, there were three hundred and sixty five more cranes to go.

"Fly away, pretty bird. Fly far, far away.

But no way in hell I'm letting you go; this shotgun's aimed at you alone.

I'm gonna drag you back in to my personal hell; to things you never heard or said.

So fly real far away, hard and fast, never looking back and quick…"

He grinned, showing perfect teeth and a beautiful lie.

"… Nobody's gonna save you if you fall so hard you'll fucking _break_."

**x**

They were doing it again. As if he didn't know. They should know by now that they shouldn't stand behind that window which didn't even hide them much.

They should come inside the room. Even though he couldn't hurt them physically, there were always games he could play with his words. He liked it when they played along too, as if he was a little kid that needed to be entertained.

He _needed _to be entertained.

Rukia was amusing but not quite that much, even with the screaming, so he hoped they came in before he did something erratic.

Like talking to the screen itself. It was getting boring and he never did it before, but it was getting boring and he needed something _not _boring. He could always talk to the wall.

(But he always did that, always. The wall was getting a bit too friendly with him.)

"You guys are too slow," he said out loud, then looked directly into the screen, somewhere between that speck of dust and the bigger speck of dust. He ran a thumb across his lips in displeasure. "You _guys _are too _slow,"_ he repeated, eyes going wide and a humorless grin spread through his face as he said his next words sweetly. "Why don't you come in?"

The silence made him laugh cruelly, and he went on to making his 651st paper crane.

Three hundred and forty-nine more to go. He was running out of paper.

Maybe he should ask for some more.

"_Kurosaki Ichigo," _the speaker rang out, and Ichigo didn't stop folding. "_Kurosaki –_"

"I'm fucking listening," he snapped, folding what _should _be the wing in half.

"_This is your last chance to do this willingly – otherwise, we'll have no choice but to force your hand."_

"That's the best you can come up with? Force my fucking hand? _By __**what?**_I ain't got anything to lose; ain't got anything to gain either."

"_Ichigo – stop!"_

_Not anymore._

"_You're a __**monster**__ –"_

_Never, ever, ever again._

_The fucking nightmares chasing me and hunting me down won't give it up._

"_There is a __**life**__ outside wallowing in your self-hatred, Ichigo." _They raised their voice. Ichigo raised an eyebrow at the threatening tone. They weren't usually dumb enough to try something like that. "_And there are ways we can break a man beyond what's possible._"

"You're talking to _me _about _breaking?_" Ichigo asked dispassionately, narrowing his eyes. "And I don't want to _live_, if you hadn't noticed. Just give me a knife." Ichigo grinned, licking his index finger. "And I'll _finish the job_."

Then he threw the paper crane into the pile. Having done that, he promptly lied down on the floor and turned his back to the audience, which he knew, was currently sitting on the other side of that one way window and probably seething.

"But since I'm stuck here, I might as well get comfortable."

"_Even if your mother is at our mercy?"_

It struck a deeper chord in Ichigo than anything else they've ever said. He turned slowly towards the one-way window, lips parting wordlessly, eyes dilating maybe a bit slightly.

He wordlessly got up. The motion was smooth and languid and he walked slowly with careful steps towards the glass that separated his side and _them._

"Violating my memory of my momma?" he reconfirmed with unblinking eyes.

"_And your sisters. It's of no concern to us who your mother was. Willingly or otherwise, we __**will **__get your cooperation either way."_

"So what did you do to her, huh?" he asked almost quietly. "And what're you gonna do to my sisters? Pull the fucking plug?"

"_You call it 'violating', we call it 'exhuming and relocating' your mother. If you want her back, then by all means."_

His lips then curved upwards and he almost looked normal.

Then he screamed.

"**YOU'RE DEAD, YOU'RE DEAD, YOU'RE DEAD, DEAD, **_**DEAD**_** –"**

He punched the wall with superhuman strength and speed, causing cracks on the surface of the glass.

"**I'LL FUCKING KILL YOUR WIFE AND KIDS –"**

Then he stopped with eyes wide and fingernails against the glass. His hands fell slowly to his side and he leaned closer and _closer _and _closest –_

Then he kissed the glass like a long lost lover.

"You _motherfucking __**bitches**_," he whispered, smiling sweetly.

**X**

Isn't as easy as it seems; setting up my self-destruction.

My heart posing just to bleed;

**Kick it down**

**And now**

**Malfunction.**

**X**

A/N: ON EXPERIMENTAL STAGE. Might not even continue this! I claim poetic license!! XD I have no idea where this is going, to be honest, but I wanted to write about insane!Ichigo again. :D He's so awesome.

Um. I wasn't thinking straight when I wrote this down, and there are a lot of loose ends I need to tie up, but yeah. :O

Err, have a nice day everyone! Read and review, please.


	2. undermine

**To clear up a few things:**

**lowercase speak **is Ichigo, but not really Ichigo; not quite. These aren't inner thoughts, people can hear them perfectly fine.

_Italics is Ichigo's thoughts_

'_These markings with italics represent the people speaking through that loudspeaker'_

**O**

**O**

**O**

**let us play now i chi go**

**X**

**MALFUNCTION. BY. IMPERVIOUS MARR.**

**X**

**II. UNDERMINE**

**X**

**See these scars?**

"People's gonna make a mess outta you," Ichigo hummed, folding another paper crane after his quick shower. "Gonna make a mess, mess outta you."

He worked on double time, now that they could take him out at any moment. He had to finish this pet project of his before they did that. He seriously doubted that they'll let him play with his collection of paper cranes once he's been assigned to that mission everyone's making a big deal out of.

"People's gonna make a mess outta you."

But it must be pretty bad to rely on a madman.

"Gonna make a mess."

Even if said madman was gonna complete this job no matter what.

_Bbbbecause, Motherrr thosefucking__**BASTARDS**_

"Mess outta _**you**_," he emphasized, viciously, almost ripping the paper apart. He eventually threw _that _crane aside, and started on his new one. He only had less than five to go, for one thousand, for a stupid anything-you-want _wish._

'_Kurosaki Ichigo._'

"P_eople's gonna make a mess __**outta you**_," he whispered, almost wildly, as he almost feigned ignorance and sped up on his crane-making. "Gonna make a mess."

Four.

"Mess out of you."

'_Kurosaki Ichigo, we know you can hear us.'_

"People are going to make. A mess. Out of. _You,_" he murmured, haltingly and haltingly as the seconds ticked by and he slurred it less and less.

Three.

'_You understand that we are to chain you before we let you out.'_

"Going to make _a mess,"_ he repeated, eyes going wide.

Wider. They were getting angrier and he was getting more restless.

Two.

_I wish -_

'_Kurosaki Ichigo, we will come in now. Please understand that we will have to make you unconscious before we cuff you. You are, after all, the best in the business. We can't take any risks.'_

They've always chained him down when he was _unconscious_ because he was _sleeping._ They never really tried restraining him forcefully while he was awake. And they really shouldn't.

_**they shouldn't try that, huh, ichi-go**_

He snarled at the nightmare voice.

"Mess out of _you._"

One paper crane left, and zero.

_**make your wish, pretty boy**_

The door opened with a _**SLAM**_ and he _screamed_ and he was immediately grabbed at the head. Before they could slam his head down or inject him with those fucking _drugs_, he spun around with a great force, and slammed both his hands on the guys face. His nails, jagged from bite-maintenance, dug onto the guy – wait –

"_AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"_

_Woman_'s face_ –_ he felt the flesh beneath his nails, felt it **tearing like paper** –

_I wish for the world–_

And he tore it straight off.

_- to __**fucking burn**__._

**x**

**x**

"Gonna ma-a-ake a mess, outta you. Make a mess, out of you. Outta you. Out of _you._

_K-tak, tak, tak. K-tak, tak, tak._

Ichigo looked up from his little drum solo and grinned at the audience slyly.

"Well, well, well, _well._" He mocked in the tilt of the head and through his smile. "What a _pleasant surprise._ I didn't expect them to send in another team. I guess they realized I can't go down by force – unless you wanna drug me again? You don't want a scar on those baby faces, _ladies and gents_."

They left him in the room after they found out that he just couldn't be held down by drugs. That, and they gotta treat the lady who tried to drug him.

The bloodstains were still there.

_I guess they're doing it differently._

"We'll have to take you to the vice-commissioner, Mr. Kurosaki. We would like the procedure to go as smoothly as possible," the one woman in the group said with a strained voice and the strained smile. She was clearly resisting the urge to just take up the stunner strapped on her waist, crank it up to the maximum level and slam it directly into his chest for an instant kill.

He could see it, he knew that she wanted to do it; she could see it in his eyes that he _knew_.

**little upstart**

Ichigo smiled as sweetly as he could to express an unnatural kind of cruel.

"I'm sorry, not _lady – _still a little girl, aren'tcha? Not gonna piss in your panties, heh? You're dealin' with the _great_ Kurosaki the _psychopathic murderer who's gonna get ya in yer sleep,_" he whispered fast, then placed a finger on his lips. "Hello, little girl. Call me I chi go."

It only took her three seconds to look away. Not quite fast enough; she's intrigued. The rest of the team simply shifted uncomfortably.

"Please, Mr. Kurosaki. We would like the procedure to be as smooth as possible. Please follow the instructions. We're now convinced that you would come willingly if we don't use force – now please hold up your hands –"

"I can see it in your eyes, you think I'm fucking, fucking fuck fuck fuck insane," Ichigo accused, pointing. "Just like everyone else. Just like you and me and the whole fucking world, but I'm not insane. I. Just. Live. In. A. Different. Dimension."

She took a step back, hand to the stunner. The rest followed, whispering "_He's approaching he's approaching" _to their little microphones wired all the way to the control room.

"I know you're stressed, Mr. Kurosaki, but you have to –"

"Stressed, she says!"

**but you're just thinking**

"Of the same things –"

**that everyone else seems to think**

"About me –"

**about me**

"**Without really looking straight at the problem," **Ichigo said, with an odd undercurrent to his voice, and the girl pulled out her stunner without hesitation, because Ichigo paced towards her during those few _fucking terrifying _sentences and he simply looked blank and she powered up the device, while Ichigo grinned.

He willingly placed his hands down, tilting his head in a sudden bout of impatience.

She took a second to look.

"Hurry up and cuff me, _girlie._"

She took the next half to lock him in chains.

"T-Thank you," she said mechanically, hypersensitive and shaking from the fright.

**X**

He looked at Ichigo once and found that it was hard to look away.

"You look fucking happy to see me," Ichigo said, grinning mockingly. The chains encircling his wrists burned into his skin and hung like a heavy burden. Then the _nightmare _spoke.

**it's been a long time, **_**byakuya**_

He tightened his fists.

"I see you haven't changed since the last time I saw you," the man behind the desk murmured, eyes narrowed. He didn't particularly rise up to the bait, so Ichigo jutted out his lower lip in a display of disappointment.

"And you've gotten mellower. What's up with that?" Not waiting for an answer, he slammed both his fists on the table in a display of random violence. The man jerked enough for Ichigo to notice, so he grinned. "That look suits you."

Byakuya was glaring.

"Maybe we aren't particularly inclined to play one of your childish games at the moment, Ichigo."

"And I'm getting bored fast. Now get on with the fucking briefing before I hightail outta here in the next minute," Ichigo shot with a flat look, tilting his head. Then his eyes widened, teeth showing up a few seconds later. "But I'm curious. How's _Rukia baby_?"

Byakuya quickly swore silently, rising from his seat. He absolutely _refused _to deal with the man, but as it was, he had no choice. But there was no way in hell he was about to like this!

"Do _not _talk about my sister," he said coldly, letting his weight rest against the desk.

Ichigo smiled cruelly at the display of attempted intimidation.

"You don't do that. You do _this. _So how's _Rukia baby, Byakuya?"_ he asked, and laughed when Byakuya didn't grace him with an answer. "Did she scream for too long? Do you remember what Ichigo did to her?" he asked sweetly, slipping back into a mask of innocence.

"Does _she _remember what _Ichigo did to __**her before**_he got locked up in the lonely, lonely room…?"

Byakuya grinded his teeth.

"They're bound to have a video. I'm sure you watched it. I can't remember how many times I broke her bones again and again – I'm sure you counted the times. I wouldn't be surprised."

His fingers were white from pressing onto the surface.

"But I'm surprised you're _**SICK-" **_He snarled, before slipping back into demure tones –_** "**_Enough to send her in after _what Ichigo did to her pretty soul,"_ Ichigo murmured and smirked and Byakuya visibly flinched, restraining from launching himself at that –

That –

A million things came rushing through Byakuya's mind relentlessly.

**X**

"_It's a nightmare coming to life."_

**x**

"_Nii-sama, I volunteered for this." She closed her eyes and opened them again, as if it was the most painful thing in the world to even think about. _"_Just let me go. I'll be fine. I know I was in intensive care because of him but… I need to know if he's still in there – and I was his best friend before it all fell apart – so – I just -"_

**x**

He tried too hard to understand why Rukia kept on coming back.

**x**

"_I know, all right! I know the damage – I was there – I was the one whose body was broken and __**you don't know my pain; how it hurt so fucking much, okay!? **__I watched that video. Ichigo wasn't himself. He has a – monster in him – but it's __**not**__ him, I know this!"_

**x**

Her unwavering determination wavered.

**x**

Her wavering determination _broke._

"_Why would Ichigo do such a thing?" Rukia whispered, looking to the side – and then she immediately she snapped, scratching the side of her face relentlessly. "Let me gouge my eyes __**out, I don't want to see! I DON'T –"**_

_Then she suddenly laughed._

"_You're right, Nii-sama. You always were. I'm such a fool for even thinking that he might be in there somewhere._"

**x**

And Byakuya remembered the last time he encountered Ichigo before he was locked up. He grinned at him unnaturally; his brown eyes more of a golden color, his skin unbelievably pale and the sick toothy smile that took over half his face when he saw the older Kuchiki. When he spoke, he didn't sound the same.

_**hey, you**_

_**how's rukia baby? after what I did to her...**_

_**she must be having the time of her life in the ICU**_

__

_**thinking why little ichigo did this and that**_

_**That –**_

"She should be feelin' lucky. I fucking treated her to a free show of her _own,_" Ichigo said carelessly, breaking through Byakuya's muddled thoughts.

"You sick _**fuck,"**_ Byakuya hissed, narrowing his eyes.

Ichigo's face was blank. "_Don't you know it,_" he mouthed so _quickly _Byakuya didn't catch that, but he definitely caught the next words because Ichigo spoke it as if anyone did to a child who didn't understand.

His voice dropped down into a slow, steady burn.

"_**Reality ain't too pretty either. And as always, like I do to everybody else –"**_

Ichigo leaned in so close, Byakuya could almost taste death.

"_**Let's do this again.**_ How's Rukia, _baby?_"

And when Byakuya punched him on the face, Ichigo laughed himself to tears, almost scratching in more scars on his skin.

Ichigo straightened, licking his lips.

He held up his hand – not to touch the bruise – but to find the wetness on his cheeks.

"So that's where they've been," he murmured, holding his hand up to see the light shine on the_** tears**_.

Byakuya merely looked at the man –

That _thing –_

And turned away abruptly.

Looking at the man now, it was hard to associate him with the elite all those years ago. The man before was all warm and bright.

Now he was a cold shell of himself, but still dangerously _lethal. _Those eyes teased and taunted, lashes dipping with a grace that both chilled and intrigued the man. It was awfully hard to _look away._

"You disgust me. Follow me to receive your next assignment, Kurosaki Ichigo," he said coolly, steeling himself and then walking away.

But nonetheless – Ichigo noticed _everything._

He smirked.

**X**

**X**

**I want to run.**

**I want to run.**

_**I want to run.**_

**X**

**X**

**what a beautiful dream, what a beautiful scream you've got there**

_why are you hurting my sisters_

**question is, why are **_**you**_** hurting **_**your sisters**_

"You're not me…" Ichigo murmured. Everywhere around him was dark with no scent and no sound. He knew he wasn't awake. They took him to the briefing room and left him at a spare bedroom to rest because he starts tomorrow. He hit the bed and instantly fell asleep.

So he knew he was unconscious. Because he felt different when he was asleep. Because he wasn't the same when he was unconscious – he acted differently outside since everyone thought he was insane. But among all the signs, of all the things, it was because of

_Him;_

- that carbon copy opposite of him who was in monochrome colors. His hair, his eyes, his grin grin grinning grin that was death incarnate. The _nightmare _that wouldn't go _away._

They faced each other in that plane which was dark and _noscentandnosound_, like they always did every _single _time _he fell asleep._

A fucking reoccurring _**fucking terrifying bad, bad, bad dream.**_

"You keep on telling everyone and _everyone _that we're one and the same but you're not me you're not _me_ you're not **me**."

His voice rose up a notch.

"Why can't you go away? You fucking _nightmare, why can't you leavemealone?_"

Ichigo grinned bewilderedly, tears gathering at the corner of his eyes since he can't cry when he's awake.

"Why me? Why not anybody else? Everyone now thinks that we're the same but _we're not _and _they can't even hear me scream in here so _why only _me?_"

The albino with the golden eyes simply stared. Ichigo needed a million words to convince his own self that he and _he_ were different. _He,_ on the other hand, only needed four words to convince the man _otherwise. _So he gave a grin – the same, psycho grin mirroring Ichigo's own deranged expression.

**because**

**i**

**am**

_**you.**_

**X**

**X**

**X**

**X**

A/N: Hi! :D

The guide above is for the ones that might cause confusion oO my writing style is just the way it is. For anything that's not capitalized, or positioned in strange places, or just plain wtf, are wholly intentional! Unless I really miss them.

Enjoy, read and review thank you :D

Actually, to be honest, I don't even have a solid plot for this one… I just wanted to see how far I can take Ichigo's mind and BURN IT mwahahaha. So that's why I'm not focusing on the others… I'm sorry. ;A;

Actually I'm very sick right now… And I wish to finish the other stories' chapters too. UU I'm working on them, I really am. I'm supposed to be having exams now too…

Have a nice day, everyone, and stay healthy!


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